Archive for the ‘Larry Craig’ Category

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News we will use

September 1, 2007

As expected, Larry Craig tendered his resignation from the Senate this morning (overshadowing the much more significant news of John Warner’s retirement – more significant because it heralds the final blue-ination of Virginia, whereas Idaho will remain beet red for the foreseeable future, from both Republicanism and embarrasment.)

On reflection, I think it’s fitting that almost as many inches of ink and megapixels of phosphors have been spilled over this story as if Larry had been a missing blonde woman. After all, the war in Iraq has little day to day impact on most Americans, and the fact that both political parties have now begged Big Brother to watch us as closely as he likes has even less, since by design and by the catch-22 lack of judicial “standing”, all that surveillance is as invisible and unknowable as the count of jitterbugging angels on Monica Goodling’s head.

In contrast, Craig’s story has already immeasurably altered people’s daily lives. All over the land, for weeks to come, whenever he enters a public stall, every prototypical American male will nervously pull his feet into a narrower stance, and pluck iPod buds from his ears for fear that some plucky groove tempt him to begin tapping his feet.

Salutations, mainstream media. For once you’ve got your priorities, um, straight.