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Return of the blue dress

January 5, 2007

Last May 17th the Bush administration announced that the President has taken a mistress.

Well, strictly speaking, there was no announcement. Rather, the White House quietly issued a memorandum of understanding with the Secret Service, in which the Service agreed to prevent anyone from learning when the President’s mistresses came and went from the Oval Office.

Ever since the Secret Service was instituted, it has been responsible for clearing and tracking visitors to the White House. The records of those visits, being records of a government agency (to wit, the Secret Service), were subject to FOIA requests. That’s how the comings and goings of Monica, Betty Curry, and a passel of other relevant figures and witnesses in l’affaire de cigarre became general knowledge; it was how the misadventures of the Clinton willy became, as it were, exposed to the public.

The memorandum of understanding states that from now on, the records in question will be presidential records. Not subject to FOIA, and presumably colorably covered by claims of executive privilege.

What’s that you say? Bush didn’t want to cover up hanky panky with young female aides? He wanted to cover up numerous visits by sleazy Abramoffic purveyors and receivers of bribes? For shame! Those would be illegal favors. Our Glorious Leader would surely never stoop to favors lower than the merely immoral.

So, in defense of his character, we must insist: he’s been having trollops carted in. One at a time, or in threesomes? Once a day, or in shifts? Would it be irresponsible to speculate? The alternative being to fan suspicions of high crimes and misdemeanors, it would be defamatory not to.

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