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There once was a man who said “Um”

July 21, 2006

I was peacefully napping when the messenger appeared at my bedside. The wings and the flowing robe accorded with tradition, but there was something slapdash about her. Maybe it was the strands of tinsel no one had bothered to brush out of her hair.

“It has come to our attention,” she said, “That you’ve blogged a few poems.”

“True enough,” I admitted, wondering what sort of infraction that might be.

“Not all that many bother with poetry anymore,” she said. “As a reward, you are being blessed with a Visitation. That would be me. Let me introduce myself. My name is Nevergotintogranta, and I am an Adjutant Assistant Inferior Muse. The Literaturnichtsohauptamt has authorized me to inspire you. In a small way, of course.” With a slightly embarrassed duck of her head, she withdrew a tiny scroll from under her robe, placed it by my pillow. “You may find this of comfort,” she said, “on those days when the stupidity and apathy are about to drive you to despair.” Then she vanished in a puff of Pine Needle Scent.

And so this limerick came into being.

There once was a man who said “Um”,
Sat down, and proceeded to num-
Ber lives that would end
Should survival depend
On removing one’s ass from one’s thumb.

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