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It’ll never get as far as YouTube

July 17, 2006


Every few mornings, my subconscious informs me that it’s time to wake up by tossing a brief snippet my way, a phrase or an image too startling to let me go back to sleep. This morning’s minidream was longer than usual, a twenty second political spot.

Night shot of an urban street. Broken porch posts, boarded windows, litter blowing in the rain. Voice over: “Crime. Dirt. Decay.” Somber pause. “It doesn’t have to be this way. There’s one candidate we can count on to clean it up. He’s as fed up as you are with the filth in Springfield’s streets.”

A blur of blazing orange comes barreling forward. It’s a golden retriever. Following behind him saunters a small army of people, carrying brooms, hammers, and saws. “Because it makes the tires taste funny.”

Rapid voice over, as the crowd parts for a delivery truck, and the retriever takes off after it: “Paid for by the Springfield Max For Mayor committee.” Cut to close up of the retriever’s head, barking happily into the camera. At the bottom, the crawl for the canine-impaired reads: “My name is Max, and I approved this ad.”

Update: Photos of the real Max, aka Captain Retardo Dog, from the town of not-Springfield, North Carolina, may be viewed here.

I like his style. He has, however, declined the Committee’s nomination.

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2 comments

  1. Many cities would be much better off with a golden retriever for mayor.


  2. Since Max lives with our family, I feel like I have a bit of an insider view on his reluctance to run. Personally, I feel he could be persuaded to go for it if convinced his term would work for the city’s good and for the advancement of an overall relaxed attitude toward everyday life.

    His motto would be the classic answer to “How Many Golden Retrievers Does It Take To Change A Light bulb?”

    “It’s a beautiful day. The sun is shining, it’s 80 non-humid degrees outside, the birds are singing, the flowers are blooming and the fish are jumping. Why do you want to stay inside changing light bulbs?”



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